Failed

So I know I posted a while ago that I was going to try and take the last few weeks of my pregnancy to really cherish it...the ups and downs of it and to take time and really cherish my other three kids while I have time with just them. I'm human but it still saddens me to say I FAILED...daily.

I get so frustrated with myself because it seems like my time is so consumed with "my life" even though my life involves my kids and husband 24/7 it just seems so selfish and I get so discouraged. Here is my journaling from yesterday...

Father, I am so discouraged. I'm so tired. 9 months pregnant with three kids under five. My patience is tried, the "ugly" inside me shows through daily making me fail in my christian walk DAILY! I feel like an impatient angry mess. why Lord would you entrust four kids to me? Not just four kids but three of them boys who you've entrusted to me to raise into Godly men. What a terribly difficult job. I already am failing and feel like throwing in the towel. Father, the thought of another baby terrifies me but yo uhave planned these children and entrusted and I know I cannot do it without you Lord. And I know you're with me.

Then I read 1 Peter 1 and it's really self explanatory...lifted my spirits.

Verse 7 says "These (trials) have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

These questions immediately came to me:
1. Do I rejoice in my sufferings like Romans says to do?
2. Do I treat my sufferings as an opportunity to strengthen my faith?
3. Do I view it as an opportunity to bring glory to Christ?

I also thought to myself...are these really sufferings? Some people are starving, going through cancer or being persecuted...and I feel like I'm really suffering? How selfish am I? But immediately I felt...God does not measure our sufferings. He looks at our hearts and if my heart is aching...although some people may think my "sufferings" are ridiculous...God does not think I am ridiculous and his heart aches for me too.

Verse 13-16 said this...which was uplifiting and convicting as well...

"...be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed....But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written; 'Be holy, because I am holy.'"