What is it????

So yesterday Brian and I had out ultra sound. I must say going into it I was so nervous. Here's how it began. Brian and I had Zakary, our second child, and were completely overwhelmed because him and William were only 18 months apart. With William I was very careless with my birth control and really didn't care about getting pregnant because it would be our first child. Then we found out we were pregnant with Zakary and what a shock!!!! I called me doctor, made the appointment and the first question I had was, "how did this happen??". Apparently when your breastfeeding there's only one kind of birth control you're allowed to be on and when you decide not to breastfeed anymore...you're supposed to switch to a stronger birth control. Well, didn't know that so along came Zak. When Zakary was just 6 months old, I sat in the bathroom terrified, looking at a pregnancy stick. It didn't even take one minute for both lines to show that I indeed was pregnant again. This time...I cried and cried and cried. How did this happen? Because the lines were so quick to show up I had to be atleast a month and a half, meaning I got pregnant while I was breastfeeding AND on birth control. When I told my doctor this her exact words were, "I guess you're that lucky one percent". It took a long time and a lot of encouragment for me to accept and be excited about this pregnancy. So the time came to decide whether or not we were going to find out the sex of our baby. Brian wanted to...no question, he was going to know what we were having. I on the other hand didn't want to know. We didn't find out with William and we did with Zakary and if I had my way, we wouldn't have with this one either. Going to our doctors yesterday was terrifying. I prayed for a little girl. obviously we can't plan our pregnancies so the thought of having a girl meant we would be done having kids. I had the strongest feeling it was a girl and so did Brian. This pregnancy was completely different and the heart rate was way higher than both of my previous boys. Brian and I decided we would had the sonographer put the sex of the baby in an envelope and we'd go somewhere alone and find out together. Our time came when the sonographer called our name back to the dark room. She started to proceed with the ultrasound and asked if we desired to know the sex of the baby. I looked at Brian and I said, "yes". He gave me a stirring look and I reassured him by saying, "I won't break down if it's a boy...I prayed super hard today". I stared at the screen with anticipation wondering what God was knitting together inside me. Before she had a chance to tell me...I saw it. Emotions flooded my eyes. I looked at Brian and he smiled while grabbing my hand. I looked back to the screen where she had frozen the picture and I looked at her and said, "It's a boy". She said it was unmistakeably a boy. I wanted to cry and breakdown because I so badly wanted a girl. However God gave me more strength then I could imagine and instantly he flooded my mind with positives of having a boy and thoughts of my will is not God will. I started to think of the great resposibility Brian and I have ahead of us. Like my previous entry. I have the greatest honor and responsibility to raise men who desire to know and love God and want to pursue Him the rest of their lives. Brian has the honor and responsibility of teaching them how to love and respect a woman properly and the honor of being a Godly father figure in their lives. What an honor and challenge.
So yes, we're having a boy and at first i was little disappointed that I may never get a girl. but I love this baby so much it doesn't really matter to me whether it is a boy or a girl.